


Not Paige, Please

by Amadi



Series: Paige/Luke Whedon Series [2]
Category: Brothers & Sisters
Genre: Community: lgbtfest, Family, Gen, Post-Canon, Queer Themes, Transgender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-04-28
Updated: 2009-04-28
Packaged: 2017-10-05 13:12:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/42100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amadi/pseuds/Amadi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's hard enough being a part of the Walker family as it is. Much worse when you don't have expected allies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Paige, Please

**Author's Note:**

> This story is set in 2015, when Paige Whedon is a 17 year old coming to the end of her junior year in high school. It is the sequel to [Growing Up Paige](http://archiveofourown.org/works/42097).
> 
> This was written for the 2009 [](http://www.livejournal.com/users/lgbtfest/profile)[**lgbtfest**](http://www.livejournal.com/users/lgbtfest/), in response to Prompt #301: _Brothers &amp; Sisters, Paige Whedon, having a gay uncle doesn't make it any easier for Paige to come out to the family as trans, or for them to accept it._ Thank you to [](http://jackandahat.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**jackandahat**](http://jackandahat.dreamwidth.org/) and my mom (!!) for beta, and [](http://www.livejournal.com/users/alex_andras/profile)[**alex_andras**](http://www.livejournal.com/users/alex_andras/) and [](http://kanata.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**kanata**](http://kanata.dreamwidth.org/) for their beta offers.
> 
> **Disclaimer:** Paige and all of the extended Brothers &amp; Sisters family members are the creations of Jon Robin Baitz and property of Jon Robin Baitz, Greg Berlanti, Berlanti Television, After Portsmouth and ABC Studios. No claim of ownership or control is implied via this work of fan fiction.

Saturday, April 25, 2015

Another Walker family dinner, more Walker family turmoil. Sarah is on her feet, pacing and talking, seemingly to herself, upbraiding herself, her ex-husband, her brothers, her sisters, her brothers-in-law, her sister-in-law, her sister-in-law's mother and father, her own mother, her dead father, her son and everyone else on earth for what's just happened. Kitty is, as usual, the interrogator, asking questions a mile a minute, trying to get all the details, the whens, the hows and whys.

Kevin and Justin are fighting amongst themselves, with Scotty and Rebecca alternately trying to restrain their partners and egging them on. Saul isn't fighting, he's not saying a word, but then Saul might be just a little bit drunk, and is wisely holding his tongue, though the shock of the news is sobering him up a little. Cooper is silent, staring with his mouth hanging open. Evan had asked a few questions, until Robert took him and little Bobby into the kitchen to "get dessert."

And as usual, it's Nora who is the peacemaker. Rising to her feet, she raises her hands like an orchestra conductor. "Everybody! Everybody! All of you! Shut up! Just shut up! Will all of you please just SHUT THE HELL UP?!"

Stunned, the entire family turns to look at the matriarch, and silence falls over the room.

"Thank you. Now, we need to let Paige talk. And we need to _listen_ to her. Paige, tell us what you mean, honey."

All eyes are on Paige now and she rises to her feet. "Grandma, not Paige, please. I'm Luke now. I need for all of you to understand and accept this. I'm not a Paige, I never have been. It's complicated and confusing for me too, but I finally get it and I need for you to all to get it, too. I _am_ Luke."

Nora is struck silent with the gravity of Paige, no, not Paige, _Luke's_ words. But she's the only one. In a heartbeat, the cacophony starts again, louder than before, the squabbling and screaming all now concentrated on the teenager who closes his eyes, swallows hard and takes a deep breath. It's time to finally face being who he is, not just for himself, but as a member of this frequently maddening family.

Justin is the first one to break through the din and get Luke's attention. "Pa- _Luke_, can you tell us what, exactly, you need for us to "get?"

"I'm not a girl, I've never really been a girl. That's something I've fought with for a long time," Luke admits, catching his mother's eyes for a fleeting moment, but looking away, queasy from the storm of emotions he sees there.

"Well, honey, you know we've always supported your choices," Nora begins, but she stops when Luke makes a strangled sound of protest. But before Luke can proclaim that it's not a _choice_, Kitty jumps in.

"I thought you'd decided - no, wait, I'm sorry, wrong word choice. I thought you'd _realized_ that you're a lesbian."

"Oh good lord," Sarah groans. Saul turns in his seat, grabs Sarah's hand and directs her, firmly, back to her chair.

"Okay, well, if you're not a girl," Kitty continues, not yet willing to state the obvious alternative to "girlness" that must go along with that, "then you're not a lesbian."

"No, no, I like girls, but I'm not a lesbian," Luke agrees, looking down at his plate. Chicken Florentine pasta is right off of any future menus. Just as well, he needs to lose a little weight, anyway.

Justin tries to remember the clinical demeanor that he was taught by his attending physicians during the tense months of his recently completely rotation through the psychiatry department. He is careful with his phrasing. "So you're saying that you think that you're transgendered?"

Another deep breath and Luke looks up, "No, I don't _think_ I am. I _know_ I am."

Cooper stands and stomps from the room. Sarah starts to go after him but Nora stops her. "Sarah, wait, just let him go, honey, he needs space to understand this for himself."

"What does it mean, exactly?" Rebecca looks at her husband, looks at her nephew, back to her husband. "I don't think I know the difference, there's transgender and transsexual and... transvestite? What's what?"

Scotty and Saul both start to speak at once, attempting to explain, talking over one another, Scotty telling about his sous chef Bryan who has a particular fondness for lingerie, the skimpier the better. Saul tells a more "dinner appropriate" (though somewhat overly-tragic) story about one of the kids at the LGBT Youth Center that he helps to run these days. Rebecca tries to listen to both, letting each man go back and forth with two competing stories until they run out of steam. At the end, it's not all that much clearer.

Luke sits. As usual, even though his announcement is the _topic_ of the discussion, it's only marginally about _him_. To his right, Sarah puts her head down on the table, her hair falling into her discarded plate of pasta. Luke has little sympathy for her and her effort to portray herself as some sort of victim, just because he's finally come to understand himself. As far as he's concerned, she can take herself a nice healthy dose of "get over yourself."

Now Nora and Kitty are going back and forth about the word "choices" and why it was insensitive of Nora to use it. For a fairly right-wing Republican, Kitty remains fervently dedicated to politically correct language, at least where LGBT people are concerned. Maybe because she's the only torchbearer for their interests amongst her professional circle, maybe just because she thinks it's right. Either way, it's a small bit of hope that Luke tries to cling to. If Aunt Kitty gets it, maybe everything will be okay, after all.

But his hopes are quickly dashed.

"So what, you make a proclamation at family dinner and poof, you're a _boy_?" Kevin scoffs, rising from his chair, give Luke the dirtiest of looks. "Just because you say it, doesn't make it so. It doesn't work that way. It never has and it never will. Grow up, Paige." Tossing his napkin to the table, he stalks out of the house, the sound of the front door slamming echoing like a gunshot, sharp and painful.

"What the hell?" Justin looks at Scotty, who shrugs in confusion. Typically, he's being called upon to answer for his husband. But it's not unusual, it's classic family behavior.

"I haven't the foggiest idea," Scotty protests, not sure if he should try to go and reason with Kevin or stay and support Luke. He's always liked the teenager a lot, and it's clear that he needs to have people on his side right now. "Let Kevin have his tantrum," he decides, waving a dismissive hand in the direction of the front door. "Let's focus on Luke."

"Well, I don't get it," Nora huffs. "I mean, I want to, but I really just don't understand."

"It's really very simple, Nora," Saul begins, taking a long swallow of water before explaining. "Look, what _Luke_ is saying, and correct me if I say something wrong, Luke, okay? What he's saying is that though he was assigned the label of female at birth, he's not. He knows now that in his case, that's not correct. Right, Luke?"

Luke simply nods.

He expected his mother to be angry and to try to make it all about her. He knew that Cooper would be freaked out. There was no question that Grandma and Rebecca would be confused, Kitty to try (and largely fail) to be analytical and Justin would go into doctor mode. And he was sure that Uncle Saul would step up to try to be the voice of reason. Everyone has, thus far, performed just as Luke presumed.

Uncle Kevin walking out though, no, that's the last thing Luke expected. No matter how many different ways he had envisioned this scenario, it never included _Kevin_ walking out. Not the man whose own family dinner coming out is still the stuff of legend. Not the champion of queer rights, who protested and lobbied and used every tool in his arsenal in the fight against Prop 8, and for Prop 15 which reversed it. Not Uncle Kevin, who Luke has always idolized, who would play catch with Luke in the backyard, give piggyback rides in the pool, would send e-mails suggesting books to read or movies to go see, was always there to give advice or comfort.

"So you're saying that you're... A boy trap-" Nora begins, treading with care but Luke raises a hand.

"Stop, don't say it. That's like the worst cliché ever, Grandma. Please." Luke shakes his head. "The idea is basically right but that phrase is _awful_." And so is the sinking feeling in his chest. He fights back tears. He will _not_ cry. He will not.

"This is a damned nightmare." Sarah groans, standing and heading to the kitchen in search of Cooper. "Maybe you should just stay the night here, P-," she begins to address her daughter, then reminds herself, silently, bitterly, that she no longer has one of those, and doesn't bother to address her remark at all. Within a minute, the sound of the backdoor is a hollow thud, echoing as loudly as the front door had, but with much less anger. It's a sound of resignation.

Once more a hush falls over the Walker dining room. Saul pours more wine for Scotty and Nora. Everyone else declines, Kitty fidgeting with her fork, Rebecca laying her head on Justin's shoulder with a sigh.

Robby toddles back in from the kitchen and demands access to Kitty's lap. Robert leans his head in through the doorway a second later. "Maybe we should all just have a deep breath and some pie, what do you all think?"

~

 

Luke lays low, staying at Nora's. On Sunday, his best friend Liz comes and takes Luke home while his mother and brother are out of the house. He packs up two bags, his laptop, his tennis racquet, the stuffed frog he's had since he was four. He's resolved not to leave anything precious behind, just in case.

Instead of moving into Grandma's guest room, he's taken what was once Justin's room, which hadn't really been changed since Justin moved out. It's a better fit for Luke than the pastel and floral guest room, and he takes over, unpacking his things and preparing to stay for the long haul.

But otherwise, not much changes. School is school. His friends, Liz and Sam, Kevin, Paula, have all known him as Luke since before Christmas, and they rally around him now, helping him stay afloat as he deals with exams in trig and history, a Japanese club fundraiser, student council meeting and the end of the softball season (probably the last year he'll be allowed to play team sports, he knows, but hey, they've made the playoffs again).

A lot is going on, but in many respects, it's just another week for Luke, except for where he's sleeping -- and the fact that he doesn't have to stop and use the 7-11 bathroom every morning to put on his binder before catching the bus to school. On Wednesday morning, just the simple fact that he is able to get dressed and look _right_ and be done with it in one step is enough to have him smiling into his cereal bowl.

The smile fades, though, when he thinks about where he is, and what he's missing, remembering the storm in his mother's eyes, the slam of the doors. Then that sinking feeling returns to his chest and the cereal gets pushed away. It's easier at school. Staying busy. Keeping his mind on other things.

He's at school when the flurry of telephone calls begin.

Justin calls Kitty who calls Nora who calls Justin who calls Nora back then calls Kitty once again. They're all in agreement about things which need to be done, and how things will proceed.

"Kitty on line one," Cindy's voice bursts over the intercom, making Kevin jump. He doesn't want to pick up, but there isn't really much choice.

"Hey, Kitty," Kevin puts on his most carefree tone. "What's going on?"

"Are you serious, Kevin? It's taken me until today to calm myself down enough to call you."

"Kitty," Now Kevin's voice has shades of warning. "I'm not going to talk about this in the middle of my work day."

"Fine then, you listen and _I'll_ talk. Your behavior was appalling," Kitty chastises, her voice taking on that whiny, put-upon tone that makes Kevin's shoulders tighten unconsciously. "Luke is our nephew, and it's crucial that we support him through this. I've been doing a lot of reading and -"

"Okay, look, Kitty, just because Paige got it in her head that she's a boy doesn't mean that it's true. The whole transgender thing it's... it's just a sick joke, is what it is."

"No, Kevin, it's not, not to Luke and countless young people like him. And you _will_ call him Luke." Kitty directs. "How can you even say such a thing, anyway? How can you dismiss him so cavalierly?"

"Oh come on, Kitty, just because someone takes a bunch of synthetic hormones or has some surgery it doesn't change who they are. And Paige hasn't even done that." Kevin frowns into the phone, chafing at Kitty's imperious attitude, chafing at the very idea that he's supposed to be all gung ho about this silliness. "And the surgery that she'd would get doesn't even work right most of the time. I'm supposed to be in favor of my only niece walking around like a mutilated freak? No, thank you."

"Well, now, it's true that phalloplasties aren't as advanced as they could be, but Kevin, we don't even know if your _nephew Luke_ will even decide to have surgery, phalloplasty or otherwise. He may choose not to, it's not as if it's _mandatory_." Oh yes, Kitty's been doing her research.

"Oh so she'll go on hormones, and walk around with boobs and a beard, that'll be a lovely picture." Kevin rolls his eyes.

"Kevin, stop it. Just stop it, you're being impossible, inappropriate and rude." Kitty rolls her eyes up toward the ceiling, shaking her head. "You need to do some research, and start to understand that no matter what you think or feel about it, this is what's happening. This is who Luke is, and he needs and deserves the support of his family. His _entire_ family. You need to get with the program, Kevin." Her voice is straining with the effort she's putting into holding onto her temper. She manages to end the call without letting loose on him, not the way she'd like to.

She doesn't remind him that it's LGB**T**, that the various and sundry organizations he lends his support to, like Saul's youth center, include people like his nephew Luke for a reason. She doesn't have the emotional energy to point out that Luke will face enough trouble from the world at large, and shouldn't have to hear this biological reduction, you-are-your-genitals (or your chromosomes or whatever) reductionist claptrap from his own _uncle_.

Nora, on the other hand, is not nearly so restrained with Sarah, especially not when it takes until Friday to actually speak with her. By then, she's had the benefit of a cram session with Kitty and Justin, learning everything she could. She's enraged with Sarah, and armed with indignation _and_ knowledge, a fearsome combination.

"Mom, I can't have this conversation right now." Sarah has only answered the phone because it's caught her off guard. Her mother has resorted to the dirty trick of calling five minutes before Sarah's alarm is meant to go off, dragging her from a sound sleep. "I'm not awake and I don't have the time. I have a board meeting today, I need to get ready and get into the office.

"You have time, and if you don't, you'll make time, Sarah, because this is about your child," Nora is fierce, every protective instinct, and goodness knows she's got them in spades, coming to the surface in aid of Luke. "You haven't even spoken to him."

"What am I supposed to say, mother? That stunt at dinner on Saturday..." Falling back against her pillow, Sarah covers her eyes with her hand, images of that debacle flashing through her memory. "Why was _that_ the first I heard of this? Why couldn't I get a little advanced warning?"

She and Nora both know that what she means is "Why couldn't I see this coming?"

"Sarah, that's over and done with. It doesn't matter. What matters is that you haven't spoken to your son. It's been nearly a week."

Sarah is about to protest that she spoke to Cooper last night right before he went to bed when she realizes that her mother means her son _Luke_.

She has a son called Luke. A son who named himself.

"Mom, I don't know what to do." It's barely a whisper.

"The first thing you do is _talk to your child_, Sarah." It may be easier said than done, Nora knows, but it's the simple truth. "Come over tonight and talk to him. He's not saying anything, but I know he's hurting."

"We're all hurting, Mom."

"Yes, well, Luke has a better reason than anyone else," Nora retorts, but she instantly softens her tone again. "Come and talk to him and try to understand. Kitty and Justin and I have taken a crash course in sex and gender 101, and we're determined to understand as much as we can. And Luke knows so much, if you have questions, they can be answered. We can find the answers. And it's not like this is a stranger, Sarah, this is the child you've known all his life, but now... a light is finally shining on a part of him that you couldn't see before."

Sarah is quiet for so long that Nora is afraid that she's fallen back asleep. But she's just thinking about it, thinking about the little girl who quit ballet because she hated the pink tutu, and the pre-teen who blew every penny on some ridiculous high heels, and the star high school athlete who crawled into her bed one night and whispered that she thought she was gay.

Her child.

Her _son_.

For her son, she has to try. She has to push past her disappointment and her fear and her confusion. And that has to start right now.

"I'll be over tonight, Mom." Sarah sits up, speaks up. "Tell Luke?" The name comes out of her mouth as if in slow motion, but she doesn't falter. "Let him known I'll be there for dinner and... Tell him that I love him."

"I will, Sarah. We'll see you tonight."

One down, one to go.


End file.
